Are YOU the one you’ve been waiting for?

I can remember very vividly looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that as soon as my stomach was flat, my arms were toned and my butt perfect I would finally be love-able. 

I didn’t use those words, but the sentiment was “look perfect = deserving of love”. Magazines, movies and the internet wouldn’t lie to me.

It’s a very seductive trap to fall into, the promise of the fairy tale. All I have to do is not break the rules. And boy were there rules.

Rule #1: If it has more than 7 ingredients or has ingredients you can’t pronounce, put it back.

Rule #2: Is sugar listed in the ingredients? Nope, don’t eat it.

Rule #3: Did I workout today? Better think twice about that small treat, you didn’t earn it.

I think you guys get where this is going. I followed my rules. I ate clean, I worked out, I got pretty close to what I thought was my ideal body and I was ready to be handed my dream life and…nothing.

Nothing really changed. I was still the same, kind, smart and funny person I always was just in a slightly smaller body. It wasn’t my physical appearance that needed to change, it was my mindset.

So, in maybe a bit of a rash decision I quit everything. If I wanted bread I had it. Feeling like a bit of ice cream after dinner on a Wednesday, yup had it. And yes I did swing all the way over to the other side. Did I go a bit overboard? Maybe. I had spent most of my life with a tight control over what I thought I was allowed to eat and once those reins were loosened, all bets were off (this behavior isn’t uncommon when coming out of diet culture, it can take a while to find your equilibrium).

I am starting to find my happy middle ground with food and exercise, but what was really challenging was flipping how I talked to and about myself when I looked in the mirror. When I got brutally honest about how my body has changed and will continue to change, I realized I was not treating this sacred vessel the way I should.

All this work led to an epiphany on my life’s work. I love helping women get healthy, but what I love more is helping you heal yourself. Helping you find peace with food, and learn to enjoy it again. To look at your body and yes, maybe want some things to change, but also knowing that being a size 2 does not diminish your power, beauty and sex appeal. We can be healthy and strong and fit and it may not look like the “ideal.”

This process has allowed me to fall in love with myself. My relationship with myself is the longest one I will have, I am done fighting. I am done waiting for validation from others. I buy myself the flowers, I take myself on dates, I love myself fiercely so that when someone is worthy of me, they will know how I deserved to be loved.

My dears, you deserve to love yourselves just as wholly.