I have been writing this post in some form or another in my head for a while now. I am still trying to fully process and figure out my thoughts and feelings about how to respond when things don’t go exactly how you hoped.
It started when my ego (let’s call her Lila) told me I shouldn’t be doing a launch of my online course, because I really can’t do that. So I chickened out. I let all the hard work and momentum I had built up to the launch fizzle and fade because I got too into my head and got scared.
Cut to the next week, my car dashboard had some interesting lights come on and in an effort to keep me from putting off any more maintenance decided to die and let me get a shiny new alternator. Then 2 days later, my tires felt left out of the fun and one decided to blow, so I got new tires. Honestly, that sent me into a spiral of “why me” which then made me feel bad that I wasn’t trying to find the positive and I quickly tried to adjust my thinking into “what is this situation trying to teach me.”
Did I know what it was trying to teach me? No, and frankly I didn’t care because on the heels of this my dog had some health issues followed by a call from my dad that my mom was in the hospital and it was serious.
So many WTF thoughts right here. I was meditating, I was journaling, I have a vision board. I was/am doing all the things that are supposed to bring peace and abundance to my life. Yet, it still doesn’t stop the bad things from happening.
It doesn’t mean that you can’t feel terrible, and lonely, and sad and despair about how you are going to make it work. I had a great friend remind me that you are allowed to feel the full range of emotions. It’s okay to feel the why me, you just don’t get to buy a condo and move in there.
Things suck right now, I’ll be honest. I am hundreds of miles away from a sick parent and feel helpless being so far away. I have a passion for my online coaching and feel worried and stuck that I won’t ever find any clients and worry how bills will get paid if I can’t figure this out. I worry a lot, always have, probably always will.
There was eventually a lesson I was starting to learn; how to ask for help. I have asked for support. I have made myself vulnerable and let people in and to my surprise no one thinks less of me. No one has chastised me for breaking down and bawling in the middle of a coffee shop, nor have they withheld those longer than usual hugs that I have desperately needed of late. They have held me in their thoughts and prayers and shown me the power of true friendship.
When you are struggling and it feels scary to ask for help, my encouragement for you is to pick one person and get real. It’s okay to keep it small, ask if they have time to chat, ask for a hug, prayers, a coffee date. Start to let those who surround you and love you, help. They want to help, it’s just hard to know how.
I am a safe space, if you need to cry, to process, or if you just need that temporary distraction. I promise to listen without judgment. We all need those people in our lives that allow us to truly be us, bad days and all.
